I apologized for THAT? *Hand striking forehead in disbelief*

OK, so this is a long story, bear with me. In order to tell this story, I have to tell two other stories first. Here goes:

First, when I was in college in the deep, dark South (smack dab in the middle of the Bible belt), I had a very hard time meeting anyone I didn't dislike. Why? Because most of the people I met were openly hateful about anything that didn't talk, look, act, or believe the same as them. (Disclaimer: This was back in 1990, so who knows, maybe things are slightly better now???) Anyway, I decided I couldn't keep my mouth shut against the spoken atrocities I heard, so I told everyone, classmates to strangers, if I disagreed with a statement they made that they either told me directly or that I overheard. If I heard a racist statement, I felt it was my duty to tell the hate-monger that I thought their statement was wrong and disgusting. My first semester at this school, there was an ad in the school newspaper about a KKK rally that was coming up. I hope that gives you an idea of what I was up against. Long story short, I made no friends but discovered that I had a voice, and I felt responsible to use that voice to tell people they were idiots. By keeping my mouth shut it was like a silent nod in agreement with their beliefs.

My loving husband has heard these stories of old like a bazillion times, and he agrees that not saying something is like agreeing. This leads me to my second pre-story story. Over the July 4th holiday we had a BBQ at our house. I insisted that we invite our neighbors from across the street. After all, their son and our son would be going to the same Kindergarten at the same time. I felt it was my neighborly duty to invite them even though we had some obvious differences. I'll save that story for another day. So, anyway, they agreed to come over, and overall we had a really great time. They brought some wonderful food to share and our children got along splendidly and had a great time. At one point in the evening, the father of this family, a huge NASCAR fan, brought up a story about an African-American woman in NASCAR who was suing due to discrimination. His attitude was definitely not one my husband or I espouse, and the language he chose to use was really inappropriate. My husband nipped it in the bud by saying she had every right to be a part of NASCAR, which quickly stopped the racial slurs and altered his attitude. My husband said a few other things that basically made the family realize that this type of discussion was not going to fly at our house. Do I think they are no longer racists? Of course not, but I think it will certainly make them realize that they can't just say things and expect that they are ok. Maybe they will think before speaking next time, and to me that is a first step. Hooray for my husband!!! I love him.

OK, so now I am to my story for today! Phew! I was at a play date today, and my friend asked me how the July 4th BBQ was since she and her family couldn't make it. I told her it was overall a lot of fun, but we had a bit of an awkward moment with our neighbors and proceeded to tell a briefer version of the story I just wrote about. I could sense she was a bit uncomfortable. We were at her twins birthday party not too long ago, and she says, "Oh, I hope my husband didn't say anything while you were at the kids' birthday party." She proceeded to tell me that he "hated" Mexicans, and that he had something to say about "blacks, Jews, Mexicans," etc. OK, so I felt like I was in the hot seat. She said she felt like she had her own prejudices too. I tried to smooth things over and said that I think we all have prejudices, no matter how hard anyone tries, we still make judgments about other people, whether it is by their dress, their car, etc. I then tried to smooth things over more, only to get into the hole I had dug ever further! I said I really think it has to do with one's exposure to other cultures and other beliefs. "For example," I said, "I have tons of gay friends." I didn't get any further in may analogy when...

Deer in the headlights.

"Really?" she said, very uncomfortably I might add.

Then I heard the "as long as I don't see it or it doesn't affect me" blah, blah argument. She was CLEARLY very distressed at having THIS conversation, even more so than the race one.

OK, so now what? I did it. I opened the floodgates and I wasn't sure what to do next. Spit out the sandwich she so kindly made me and run out of there with my kids? I didn't think that would go over well. So, what I did next is haunting me. I apologized. I apologized for making her uncomfortable. I apologized for bringing any of this up. I apologized for offending her if I did. WHAT THE F***??? I apologized. *Hand striking forehead in disbelief.*

SO, when it was time to go, I was packing the kids up and heading out to the car. We passed by their refrigerator and I saw some flyer one of the kids obviously made in the Bible camp they were in a few weeks ago. In my dazed and confused state I can't remember the exact title, but it the essence of it was something like "Jesus loves you."

So, here I am, the atheist, the open-minded atheist, leaving a house where my race-embracing, sexual orientation-embracing beliefs where not taken very well, and as I am leaving I see that Jesus loves me. How in the hell do I reconcile that????

All Dogs Go to Heaven, Part 2

So, I'm out with the moms from a moms group that I am in, and we started talking about how our kids, all around the same age, keep "playing dead" or talking about things being dead. I said that my son had once again started asking questions about our dog that died last year. He asked, "Where is she?" to which I'd respond, "She died, sweetie. She got sick and died." This was not the response he was looking for. He kept saying, "But WHERE is she?" I understood this to mean he wanted to know where she physically now was. I couldn't answer with the first thought in my head which was, "She's in a box in our garage." This is true because we had her cremated but have since not found a good place for her. So, instead I panicked and said, "Can we talk about this later? I'm not prepared for this conversation."

When I told this story to the other moms, one of the moms innocently asked, "Do you do the 'heaven thing'?" I just said no and shook my head. After a few tortuously long seconds of complete silence among the moms, someone else piped in with their own story. I guess I outed myself.

Yay!

I held what I hope to be the first of the Annual Alex's Lemonade Stand in front of our house today, and it was great. It is so heart-warming to see such generosity. In four hours some moms from a mom's group I am in and I raised almost $700 for this great charity, which raises money to fight childhood cancer.

We met a lot of interesting people and were completely intrigued by the very giving man who drove up in his orange Lamborghini and dropped two hundred dollar bills in our jar for a cup of lemonade. It was such a rush to be doing something for someone else. I think I need to figure a way to do more stuff because it just feels so good!


OK, so I have to tie this in to my blog somehow I suppose... The preposterous statement that atheists have no morals is such an off-the-mark kind of thing to say. That's like saying that all Christians are virtuous. Yeah, right.

Wow.

This is crazy. Atheist Soldier Claims Harassment

My Kid Can Pee in the Pot, What About Yours?

What is it with moms measuring their worth by how soon and how well their kids are potty trained? Furthermore, what's up with pushing academics on preschool age children? I just came from a baby shower where I was thrust yet again into the Twilight Zone of moms just itching to tell others about their child's latest accomplishment. Yup. At the ripe old age of 20 months. Really? WTF?

I'm not going to avoid letters and numbers with my four-year-old son, but I'm not going to push it on him either. If he's interested, then we'll go for it. Right now, however, he's more interested in worms and spiders, in hot wheels and spiderman, and in coming up with new ways of tormenting his sister. One mom at the baby shower said she signed up her daughter into a preschool where they do academics in the morning and the afternoon "so it's not wasted time." So, what does that say about me as a mother? That the time we spend NOT doing academics is wasteful? Give me a break!

GGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRR

All Dogs Go to Heaven??

Our beloved family dog died in April of 2007, and my son was 3 at the time. It has been over a year, and he still says to me that he misses her. I always try and comfort him and let him know that I miss her too. My son started preschool a few months ago, and he came home the other day and asked me if our dog was in a far away place. You think your children are going to come home from school with new curse words, and that I could be prepared for. Instead, he came home with the concept of heaven. This is not something we ever talked about in our house. We always said that she was really sick, had died, and was no longer here. So when I was asked if she was in a "far away place", I was kind of taken back and not sure what to say at first. My first fleeting thought was, wow, subscribing to a belief like heaven would sure make this conversation easier! Instead, I told him that no, she wasn't in a far away place. She had died, but she was no longer hurting. Luckily at the time he didn't push it any more. This time. What about the next time?

I'm sure there are some books out there that help atheist parents deal with issues like these when they arise, and I know I haven't looked hard enough. Wow, this is going to be harder than I thought.